When Given The Opportunity...Play

As many of you know, this has been a crazy year for me. Last Spring I got shingles, then our home flooded in August, and I've spent the bulk of this year working on rebuilding my home. It's crazy to go to work full time as a college professor with all the curricular and extracurricular demands, then go home (not my home, mind you) and work for hours on putting together spreadsheets for insurance companies, and scheduling visits with field adjusters for insurance companies, and visits with contractors for insurance companies...

Yes, there's a theme here.

Then I also have responsibilities as a husband and as a father and as a member of a congregation. There were months on end where there were literally not enough hours in the day. I got spread thin. I was tired. I needed better self-care, and I was battling a misconception of what that is supposed to look like in my worldview. 

Flood stuff has tapered off. Things at work have fallen into a bit of a rhythm. I'm still fighting with insurance companies and mortgage companies, but I've always been the kind of person who wants to burn bureaucracies to the ground, so there's nothing really new there. Things at home have been tough with my wife's failing health leaving me as a single parent in practice, but even that isn't nearly as hard since I have the time and energy and bandwidth that isn't being completely overrun by rebuilding. I've been able to teach Ben how to throw a football (as much as a full-time defensive player can), played "soccer" with Sam, and generally enjoyed a lush yard and a bunch of our brand-new stuff.

I'm still trying to figure out self-care. As a Christian I was raised on the All-Things-Self-Related-Are-Of-The-World cultural mindset, and I've recently discovered that the version of that which dominated my subculture isn't necessarily correct, Biblically or psychologically. We aren't to OVERDO it with worldly pleasures as a means of supplanting our dependence on God, but it's actually ok to enjoy our time here on Earth. Men are taught to be servant leaders, but I had taken that to mean that we should never do ANYTHING for ourselves. I'm finding that it's no only ok to do things to take care of your self, it's actually good stewardship. We have to find healthy ways to do it, obviously, but it's ok. It's good. 

In light of all of that, I'm taking steps back from all of my various situations to see if I can discover what things fill me. Pete Holmes frequently discusses a concept he borrowed from the Duplass brothers called "Soul Points." There are many theories and ways of thinking about this that exist, but I really like the idea of Soul Points. Throughout your day you will do things that either credit or debit points into your soul. You are responsible for making sure that you aren't running on a deficit. Pretty simple. But what things bring you Soul Points that aren't detrimental to your soul? Here's what I've come up with so far:

Photography
Laughing 
Making other people laugh
Stories
Discussing and strategizing pedagogy (I know: NERD!)
Hot food
Hard Cider
​Autumn
​Socializing

SOME of these things I can control. Some I can't. Some of these things are healthy. Some are not. But here's what I can do for sure: I can take control of where I set my mind. I live temporally, and all I can really, actually control is what I'm doing in any given minute. The choices I make in each minute all day long are going to ultimately determine how I feel the entire day ended up. I can choose bites of happiness that result in an overall great meal. 

One way I'm choosing to set my mind on things I need is to take advantage of every possible opportunity for comedy I can. So, when I see something funny now, I'm documenting it, curating it, and sharing it. I'm choosing to play. Playing checks off many of my self-care boxes all at once. This is one of those things. This is for me.

I will often engage students, colleagues, and family members in ridiculous text exchanges. These are hilarious to me, but more than that I want to call them out for what they are: they're fun. Two people were going through days that were filled with opportunities to either spend or gain some Soul Points. He wanted to share something, and I thought it would be good to do so in a funny way and run with it for a while. I wanted to engage it with a tone that was obviously congenial and reciprocal, but I also decided to 'plus' it. We could have just had a boring conversation, but instead we went one step farther by creating what Alfred Schutz calls a finite province of meaning. We agreed to play. When I can break away from the drudgery of the overly-serious adulty side of life and spend just a little while in a philosophically "other" space so that I can play, that can be fulfilling. It was! And so I spent just a few minutes of my day playing. 

Later this one came from someone who will remain nameless to protect the innocent.

This, for those of you who can't tell, is the inside of a bathroom stall. I can imagine that pinching your finger in the door would not be a good start to what's about to happen in there. Honestly, though, there are some steps that should never be skipped.

Some people know how to appreciate good guidance. Or at least good play time. Again, two adults made a conscientious decision to have some fun. I think both of our days were made richer by doing so. I mean, his couldn't get any worse. I appreciated his willingness to initiate play with me, even if he isn't completely accurate on his Star Wars lore. I also made sure to call it back later in the day by texting him that night around dinner time.

Ultimately, this was just silly. It was benign, and it was silly. So is it frivolous? I don't believe so. I believe playing is a way to invest in a healthy self, and you need a healthy self to be of any good to those around you. And when do adults get to play? Never. 

Orrrrrr...they get to play when they allow themselves to. You can pull over onto the shoulder of the road on your stupid morning commute in order to take a trite and mediocre picture of a sunrise because it is a healthy way to refill your tank. The opportunities to do this may seem rare, but when they do present themselves it is your obligation to take advantage of them. And taking advantage of them will help train you to see them more often. And the more often you do, the better, healthier, more soul-full you'll be.